Written by Bethany Funkhouser, Area Agribusiness Agent
Edited by Charley Maxwell, Area Agribusiness Agent
There are countless times on and off the farm that we have avoided having a conversation. Maybe you thought the repercussions of the conversation weren’t worth it, or you didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. No matter the reason, everyone is still in the same boat of putting off a crucial conversation. Many farms are family ran or made up of employees who are like family, and it can be difficult to have hard conversations with these individuals. It’s not impossible, and we are going to discuss some ways to ease the anticipation of these conversations and how to make these difficult conversations something that doesn’t seem so scary. It’s important to remember that in a business setting, your business should be set as the priority. When we mix family and business, determining which has priority can make a difficult conversation even harder. One of the first difficult conversations you may have is deciding to run your family farm business as a business first, and not a family farm.
First, you want to understand the why behind the conversation. Sometimes we don’t take the time to think about what to say, turning the conversation hostile quickly. Understand why you are bringing up this conversation. Do you have an employee who is always late? Ask yourself why this is an issue, if you have addressed the issue in the past, and what your farm’s policy is for being late. All these are valid questions to ask yourself. You may not have a written late policy, but you have expressed your concerns multiple times. Be prepared to explain this.
Or maybe you aren’t the farm owner, but you’re one of the children who has responsibility and is ready to take on more in preparation for transitioning the farm. If this conversation hasn’t started yet, it can be challenging to bring up, but understand your why and be prepared to explain.
The biggest thing to remember when explaining why is not to place blame or anger on the individual. Try avoiding using “I” statements as they can become defensive and unintentionally place blame. For example, you sit down with your employee who is always late and say,” You are always late, and I feel like you aren’t taking your job seriously.” The first thing your employee is likely to do is lash out or go into a shell because you just told them they don’t take their job seriously. If we have not addressed the issue yet, it can be easy to make these assumptions and cause conflict. Instead, consider approaching the conversation by checking on them: ” I’ve noticed you have been late a lot recently, and I wanted to check and make sure everything is okay.” Or maybe this is not the first time having the conversation, so consider making clear expectations. If you need to have the conversation again, you have a clear why.
The next thing to consider is where you are having the difficult conversation. A popular farm-related saying you may have heard is to take the conversation away from the dining room table. This goes back to running your farm as a business first operation. Having difficult conversations at the dining room table or sitting in the living room can easily take away the business-first approach, making difficult conversations sticky. Go back to the why of your conversation to figure out where to have your conversation. Maybe it is a finance-related issue. If so, consider setting up a time to meet with your financial advisor/ consultant. Let them be the middleman who has the facts and can help walk you through the conversation. If this isn’t a family conversation, remember to have the conversation with your employee in an appropriate setting. Walking down a hallway or having a conversation in front of five other people is not where you should be doing it. Instead, set up a meeting in your office so your employees understand the importance of the conversation and that everyone’s expectations are understood from the beginning.
The next thing you want to do to ease difficult conversations is to ensure everyone’s roles are clearly defined. We touched on this briefly in our examples, but making sure everyone understands their responsibilities and expectations can change the outcome or even the need for certain conversations. This includes everything from extremely detailed role descriptions to a policy manual for everyone working on the farm. The easiest thing you can do is to expect no one to know what you expect without it being in writing. What is considered late? To some people, it may not be late until five minutes after you clock in. Others may expect you to be settled and do a task by clock-in time. You can’t expect someone to know this without telling them. If your operation is family only, it is still crucial to have clearly defined roles and have in writing what is expected from each family member.
Lastly, it is crucial to understand the personalities of the individuals involved in your operation. It’s easy to say we know our families’ personalities, but do you understand how they react in different situations? Knowing this information can easily change the direction of a difficult conversation. By knowing this, you can prepare the conversation for them specifically. There are many different personality tests available. Many are free of charge, and there are some with more details for which you can pay a fee. If you have employees, consider making the assessment a part of the onboarding process. For employees/ family who have been a part of the operation for a while, make some time for everyone to take the assessment so they can better understand themselves, and you can better understand them as well. And don’t forget to take the assessment yourself. You can learn a lot about yourself and your leadership style.
Now, considering all of this, the last thing to do is have the conversation. No matter if you have the conversation two days or two weeks from now, it is still going to be difficult. Crucial conversations are going to be hard, but that doesn’t mean there will be conflict or that they are negative. Being prepared for the conversation by considering the ideas above (and more) could help ease the difficult conversation and lessen the possibility of unnecessary conflict.
