Remembering Who You Are Post-Break Up

February 3, 2023

In your twenties you might find yourself finishing college, starting your own business, getting engaged, moving to a new city, or maybe you’re going through heartbreak as I did. What you thought was the love of your life in college decided to end things only a few months before graduation. However, from experience, I’m here to tell you it will be okay. Even when that small voice in your head can’t help but feel jealous about the love that everyone talks about, the love that lasts, the love that never leaves when things get hard, every day a small part of you forgets what it was like to feel loved by that person. The person that you once loved is a stranger now and the love you shared is only but a distant memory. You might feel as if that person has died and that’s okay. In fact, it is normal. You are grieving. If anything you should be more worried if you didn’t grieve. Grieving is a natural process after any kind of loss. It helps one’s brain adjust to your new reality. Avoiding grief can keep you stuck in feelings of sadness, loneliness, guilt, shame, and anger — which can take a big toll on your self-esteem. 

 A breakup can be a difficult and painful experience, leaving you feeling lost and unsure of who you are. It can be easy to lose sight of yourself and your sense of self in the midst of the pain and confusion. However, it is important to remember that a breakup does not define you and that you can regain your sense of self through reflection, self-care, and the support of the people you love. 

  • `Remember who you were before the Relationship 

One way to remember who you are post-breakup is to reflect on who you were and what you did before you met your ex. You had your own interests, hobbies, and passions that made you happy and fulfilled. By taking the time to remember these things and re-engage in them, you can rediscover yourself and what you truly enjoy. This can help you reconnect with your sense of self and find meaning and purpose in your life again.

  • Spend Time Alone 

Another way to remember who you are post-breakup is to spend time alone. Being alone with your thoughts and feelings can be daunting, but it is also an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you truly want. By being present and enjoying each day and not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, you can begin to understand yourself better and come to a deeper understanding of your values and needs.

  • Build a Support Network

In addition to reflection and spending time alone, it is important to build a support network. Surrounding yourself with friends and family who will support and encourage you can help you to feel less alone and more understood. They can provide a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and a sense of perspective that can be invaluable during this difficult time. I think this is one thing that helped me the most while going through my breakup. Hanging out with your girls enjoying the single life and having the freedom to become whoever you want is so vitally important.  

  • Set Healthy Boundaries

Moreover, setting healthy boundaries for yourself and others can also help you to regain control of your life and remember who you are. This can involve setting limits on contact with your ex, protecting your time and energy, and being assertive in communicating your needs and wants. One of my favorite pieces of advice is “Don’t let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you”. Trust me when I say there will be someone out there that you won’t have to beg to love you.

  • Have Compassion for Yourself and Love Who You Are

Finally, practicing self-compassion is important in remembering who you are post-breakup. Being kind and understanding with yourself, rather than being too hard on yourself, can help you to navigate the difficult emotions and experiences that come with a breakup. All in all, remembering who you are post-breakup can be a challenging and time-consuming process. Even if you see people getting engaged on social media, having that Pinterest dream board wedding, or having a family, remember that everyone has a different timeline. You will have your time when you’re ready. Through reflecting on the past, spending time alone, building a support network, setting healthy boundaries, and practicing self-compassion, you can regain your sense of self and come out of the experience stronger and more self-aware. This time of reflection will allow your heart to love again. It’s important to be patient with yourself and not rush the process of healing. Learn to love you. Once you do that, everything will fall into place.


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