Tag: Ombuds Office

This month, I want to address the difference between my hopes and my expectations.  As a personal example, I hope as my children grow up, I can develop authentic friendships with them.  But those relationships are two-sided, and I cannot control that.  As they grow up, I expect them to show kindness and respect to those around them, to work hard at school, and to apologize when they mess up.  The difference here is that I am going to hold them accountable to my expectations, while my hopes are not something I am going to put on their shoulders.

As Provost Smith continues to settle into his role, I hope he and I can develop trust and rapport.  But trust and rapport cannot be forced and can certainly grow with time.  I expect that as my supervisor he will treat me with respect, listen when I have a concern, and communicate his expectations to me (so far so good—I’m grateful for his return to Clemson!).  If those expectations are not met, then it indicates to me that we need to get on the same page about our professional relationship. 

I can hope for a lot, but what do I expect from the people around me?  The difference between hope and expectation is that you might respond to an unmet expectation in the professional domain in a different way than you would an unrealized hope.  An unrealized hope is disappointing; an unmet expectation can be an indicator that there is a disconnect between you and the other person that impacts the work you are doing. 

The three important questions are:

1. Do they know what my expectations are?
2. Do they agree to meet these expectations? 
3. If the answers to the previous two questions are yes, then why was this expectation not met?

First, the person you are expecting to do something needs to know you have those expectations.  Expecting someone to read your mind and predict your expectations is never reasonable.  What is desirable to you might be completely off the table for someone else, so communication about what you expect is pivotal.  Second, you can expect the moon, but until the other person agrees to meet those expectations, either explicitly or not, you cannot expect them to be met.  If you are a supervisor, you might not have to seek explicit agreement about your expectations, but communication surrounding them is essential to your employee’s success.  If the relationship does not have a power dynamic, you might need to have a more direct conversation about what you expect and whether the other person agrees to live up to that.  Of course, they also get to share what they expect, and you can respond.  Then you can have an “expectation negotiation” to see what you both agree to in the relationship. 

Finally, if you are sure the other person knows your expectations and agrees to them, you can begin to explore why your expectations were not met.  Was it a communication challenge?  Forgetfulness?  Capacity?  Malice?  Did the other person misunderstand what you expected?  In some relationships, it is easy for us to assume bad intentions led to the unmet expectation, but I encourage you to be willing to explore alternative explanations. 

To keep unrealized hopes or unmet expectations from impacting our work, we need to separate our hopes and expectations.  When the separation is successful, we can better process when something undesirable happens.  If my kids do not want to be my friend when they grow up, I will be disappointed, but I won’t be devastated that they neglected an expectation that they previously agreed to.  I’m also not going to walk into Provost Smith’s office and expect him to be my running buddy!  These can be hopes I have that are separate from what I expect to happen.  Then if my hope is not realized, I can process it, refuse to let it impact the relationship, and be ready to move forward. 

Have you been treating your hopes like expectations?  Have you been putting your hopes onto people who do not even know what it is you want to happen?  When we are clear about what we expect, we are more equipped to respond to unmet expectations.  When we separate our hopes, we are not putting something unreasonable onto someone else that they never agreed to achieve.  (But side note—there’s no way my kids won’t want to be my friend, right?)  Enjoy the last days of summer!

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What is the Ombuds Office?
The Ombuds Office is a confidential, independent, neutral, and informal space for staff to process concerns, get information, and develop options for how to move forward in a difficult situation.  I can provide education, conflict coaching, mediation, and facilitation as well as referrals to other resources across Clemson.  If you are unsure how to move forward in any way, I can help you work through it.

Tessa Byer
Phone:  864-656-5353
Email:  tbyer@clemson.edu
Address:  135 Old Greenville Hwy, Ste. 203 (Next to Esso!)

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Save the date for upcoming trainings offered by the Ombuds Office:

Don’t Tough It Out:  Difficult Situations at Work

Friday, Sept. 11, 2026, from 9:00 to 12:00

In-person at University Facilities Center, sign up here:  https://clemson.bridgeapp.com/learner/training/cf15179e/sessions/7126/enroll

Navigating Intergenerational Workplaces

Friday, Sept. 25, 2026, from 9:00 to 11:30

Virtually only, sign up here:  https://clemson.bridgeapp.com/learner/training/8c562aa0/sessions/7128/enroll

Giving Effective Feedback

Wed., Oct. 14 from 9:00 to 10:30

Virtually only, sign up here:  https://clemson.bridgeapp.com/learner/training/3bc50439/sessions/7129/enroll

Emotional Intelligence at Work

Friday, Oct. 30, 2026, from 9:00 to 11:00

In-person at University Facilities Center, sign up here: https://clemson.bridgeapp.com/learner/training/1be18cf1/sessions/7130/enroll

Combating Burnout and Cultivating Resilience

Friday, Nov. 6, from 9:00 to 11:00

Virtually only, sign up here:  https://clemson.bridgeapp.com/learner/training/86042925/sessions/7132/enroll

It’s the second month of the new year.  Did you set New Year’s resolutions this year?  Did you keep them?  I do not set resolutions every year, but I have successfully set and kept them in the past.  However, none of my resolutions were achieved without the accompanying shame and anxiety about how I would feel if I were to join the millions of others who abandon their resolutions by the second Friday in January.  In other words, I have kept resolutions when the achievement was not the resolution itself but only the avoidance of failure.

When lamenting this tension recently, a friend told me she doesn’t count her January productivity toward her work or life projects at all.  She does what she needs to do to get her job done, but if she has broader goals, such as “learn a language,” “write a novel,” or “lose weight,” she gives herself the month of January to be okay with her status quo, rather than striving for more.  She looks at other months for productivity and achievement. 

I was intrigued.  My friend’s decision to only begin “counting” her productivity on February 1 made me think about seasons when we just need to sit back and survive.  Staff at Clemson have been through a lot lately:  leadership changes, ERP improvements, political shifts, financial mayhem, to name only a few.  Maintaining our productivity and professionalism while handling so much change is an achievement in itself. 

My No.1 strength in StrengthsFinder is “Achiever,” which I often find to be a burden, pushing me to strive more and rest never.  Because of this “strength,” if I decide to call it that, I’m one of those people who need to have tiered goals:  A big one that will take years, then something that will take this year, this semester, this month, this week, this day.  Right now, my big goal is working on my PhD.  But rather than a year-long or semester-long goal, what if I give myself permission to just get by? 

I’m not advocating that we spurn productivity or stop trying.  Caring about this place and pouring our hearts into our work is what makes this university run.  But I found my productivity to be somewhat counterintuitive:  When I gave myself permission to take a little break from the achievement grind, I was more productive than ever, without the fear or shame I’m used to.  I actually made a personal breakthrough and started working on a project I had dreamed about for years and kept putting off, waiting until there was a lull in everything else in my life.  That lull is not coming!  I needed to create it for myself.

I’ve also started putting important but easily ignored things on my weekly to-do list:  figure out what self-care I need, take a walk outside, spend uninterrupted time with my kids, have a conversation with my husband that does not involve logistics of feeding and housing and transporting these children.  As someone guided by lists, when there is a place for a checkmark by these, I’m much more likely to see them as something to achieve and find fulfillment in. 

So let me just say this:  You’re doing fine.  I’m doing fine.  We’ll get through these seasons of change, and that can be our big achievement for 2026. 

Box No.1: 

What is the Ombuds Office?

The Ombuds Office is a confidential, independent, neutral, and informal space for staff to process concerns, get information, and develop options for how to move forward in a difficult situation.  I can provide education, conflict coaching, mediation, and facilitation as well as referrals to other resources across Clemson.  If you are unsure how to move forward in any way, I can help you work through it.

Tessa Byer

Phone:  864-656-5353

Email:  tbyer@clemson.edu

Address:  135 Old Greenville Hwy, Ste. 203 (Next to Esso!)

Box No. 2:

Save the date for upcoming trainings offered by the Ombuds:

Teamwork that Works

February 26, 2026, from 12:00 to 1:00

Virtually only, sign up here: 

Registration link

Combating Burnout and Cultivating Resilience

March 6, 2026, from 9:00 to 11:00

Virtually only

Registration link

Navigating Intergenerational Workplaces

April 10, 2026, from 9:00 to 11:00

In person at University Facilities Center, sign up here: 

Registration link