Ombuds Report: Reconciling

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are ready for the much-deserved rest and relaxation of the Holiday Season.  As we move toward the break and the time for reconnecting with the people we care about, (whether in person, over the phone, or video call) we may encounter some relationships that need mending.  In the past few years did you have an argument with a co-worker, a disagreement with a family member, or have you lost a friend for any number of reasons?  Perhaps you feel it is time to reconcile these relationships, but you are not sure how.  I hope to share a few thoughts with you that might just help.

Just as with any difficult conversation, preparation is the key!  You should prepare yourself and allow the other participant time to prepare themselves for the conversation.  Preparation will allow you both the space to discover not only what you value in your relationship but examine what exactly about the conflict caused the harm to your relationship.  Making that call, or sending that text might be hard, but the first step to reconciling a conflict is both parties agreeing that the conversation is worth the time and effort. 

Once you have the initial conversation, find a neutral place to talk where you will both feel comfortable expressing your feelings in a safe environment (Judgement-Free Zone!).  Allow the time to talk and to feel without distractions.  The annual Holiday Party is probably not a great choice! 

Now you are ready to meet! When you finally have the opportunity to talk, set the ground rules.  “We will each have time to speak, without argument or interruption; we will listen to what one another has to say; we will allow one another the freedom to be vulnerable, we will go into this with an open mind only to listen to one another, no expectations!”

When you finally meet, remind one another of your rules then just listen and share.  Acknowledge that what you have both been through has been tough enough to create this conflict.  Honor and respect the fact that opening up to be honest and vulnerable is also hard, acknowledge this fact for one another.  If you feel so inclined to provide an apology for your part of the conflict, do so but do not expect one in return…this should come naturally, if at all.  Sometimes simply honoring one another’s dignity is as beneficial as an apology. 

Finally, establish a time to speak again.  You should be able to see that this relationship is valuable to both of you so don’t neglect it!  Share some fruitcake and eggnog this holiday season.  Find time to rest and reconcile and come back to Clemson ready for 2025!