It has been a long few weeks. There is a lot going on globally, nationally, locally, and across Clemson. Our departments are dealing with financial changes, increasing workloads, and new systems to learn. Our people are encountering more that threatens to divide us, and I fear some of it is. My phone recently suggested to me an article with a title like, “Civility is Dead.” I chose not to read it (partly because who has time to read right now?), but the title stuck with me because I wholeheartedly disagree.
The halls of a university are the place where disagreement is not only possible; it is encouraged. When students are taught critical thinking, the implication is that they make up their own minds about the bigger questions of the day; they don’t just accept what professors or other students or scholars of the past have concluded. And when their conclusions differ from other’s conclusions, that disagreement is not ignored or catastrophized. Disagreement is just another participant in the classroom and in the research lab, a fixture that is always allowed but not allowed to take over.
Civility, then, is being able to keep working together and collaborating even when disagreement is present and when the topic is difficult and personal. You can hate a colleague’s take on current events and still greet them in the morning, ask about their sick dog, and work with them to complete a project. Civility is saying, “I’m not going to relinquish my beliefs, and I’m not expecting you to relinquish yours. But I’m going to see you as human first.”
I was recently working with some undergraduate students as they processed recent events. In this group, they had different takes. They had different heroes and villains in the narratives they told. They disagreed about a lot. And they listened. They pointed out where they agreed with each other. They acknowledged that they did not know everything and while they felt strongly, they made space for each other to argue the other side. They were civil, respectful, sometimes kind. It was an emotional meeting, and it was a productive one.
So amidst all this division, how do we stay civil? It is not easy, but it is simple:
- Listen to each other.
- Acknowledge what you hear others say.
- Highlight your common ground and where you agree.
- Separate someone’s worth from their opinions.
- Do not flee or shut down at the first sign of disagreement.
- Commit to creating an environment where membership on the team does not depend on people’s opinions or voting records.
- It’s okay to be disappointed in someone’s stance; you can still be their friend, family member, and colleague.
Civility is hard. Sometimes it might not be possible for you. But it is not dead. In fact, we are the ones who have to keep it alive.
Box #1:
What is the Ombuds Office?
The Ombuds Office is a confidential, independent, neutral, and informal space for staff to process concerns, get information, and develop options for how to move forward in a difficult situation. I can provide education, conflict coaching, mediation, and facilitation as well as referrals to other resources across Clemson. If you are unsure how to move forward in any way, I can help you work through it.
Tessa Byer
Phone: 864-656-5353
Email: tbyer@clemson.edu
Address: 135 Old Greenville Hwy, Ste. 203 (Next to Esso!)
Box #2:
Save the date for upcoming trainings offered by the Ombuds:
Cultivating Resilience
November 3, 2025, from 9-11 a.m.
Location: University Facilities Center
Emotional Intelligence at Work
November 14, 2025, from 9-11 a.m.
Location: Virtually only
