There are many ways for partners, family members, and friends to build meaningful connections without feeding the baby. Image Credit: Hannah Shifflette
While breastfeeding is a close experience between a mother and baby, the support around them can shape that experience. Family members may sometimes offer strong opinions, make comparisons, or have expectations about feeding. At other times, a lack of practical or emotional support can make breastfeeding and adjusting to life with a new baby more challenging. This blog explores ways partners, family members, and other loved ones can support the breastfeeding parent and build connections with the baby.
Ways Loved Ones Can Support a Breastfeeding Parent
Supporting the breastfeeding parent also supports the baby. Here are ways partners, family members, and other caregivers can offer practical and emotional support during this time.
- Refill Water: Breastfeeding increases hydration needs; offer support by automatically filling the mother’s water cup every time she sits down to nurse her baby and as often as needed throughout the day.
- Provide Nourishing Snacks: Wholesome, readily available snacks can help meet the mother’s nutritional needs as she recovers from birth and breastfeeds.
- Prepare and Coordinate Meals: Help prepare freezer meals during pregnancy, plan and cook family meals after childbirth, or arrange other food support that works for the household.
- Household Tasks: Notice the laundry basket getting full? Does the dishwasher need to be unloaded? Take special note of household chores and tasks during this period of time and coordinate how they will get done.
- Manage Care for other Children: Other children in the house will still need caring for, too. Make a plan for siblings’ routines and activities so everyone’s needs are covered.
- Run Errands: Before leaving the house, ask, “What can I pick up or do for you and the family?” This could involve picking up medications, going grocery shopping, transporting a sibling to soccer practice, or whatever needs to be done to reduce the tasks the breastfeeding parent has to manage.
- Attend Appointments: Go with the breastfeeding parent to appointments. This provides support as another person who can listen, ask questions, remember recommendations, and manage any children present.
- Handle Visitors and Communicate Boundaries: It is especially important in the first few weeks home from the hospital for partners and other loved ones to help keep the mother’s wishes in mind when it comes to visitors, privacy, and communicating feeding boundaries. Do not be scared to step in when needed and help communicate those boundaries.
- Make Room for Rest and Self-Care: Ensure the mother is caring for herself, too. Ask what would feel restorative and coordinate baby care or other support around that. Care for the baby so she has time to nap, go to the salon, or even pick up a coffee. If she has any health concerns, encourage her to seek help sooner rather than later.
- Listen Intently and Offer Encouragement: Sometimes a listening ear may be all she needs to feel better. “That sounds really hard.” “I’m here for you.” “You are doing an amazing job.”
- Respect Feeding Choices and Goals: Everyone’s infant feeding journey is different, and sometimes feedings change or look different from what was originally imagined. Encourage her to seek help when needed and stand up for her when others do not respect her choices.
- Celebrate Milestones: Do not underestimate the power of celebrating breastfeeding accomplishments! Celebrate moments that matter to the breastfeeding parent, such as the first latch, first month, reaching her breastfeeding goal, or returning to work. Whatever it is, make sure she knows that you know how hard she has worked!
Bonding with the Baby Without Feeding
Breastfeeding does not have to prevent other caregivers from forming strong, loving bonds, as some may perceive. There are many ways for others to build meaningful connections without feeding the baby.
- Skin-to-Skin Contact: Skin-to-skin snuggles are not just reserved for a mother and her baby – both parents can enjoy this bonding experience. Skin-to-skin contact is known to help regulate an infant’s body temperature and heart rate, along with reducing crying.
- Babywearing: Using a carrier to babywear is another way other caregivers can have close, one-on-one time with the baby. Babywearing can make household chores, errands, and caring for older siblings a multitasking experience while also providing bonding time.
- Giving Baths: Bath time can be a meaningful way for partners and other caregivers to bond with the baby. Talking, singing, and playing with toys during bath time can all help the baby develop and build relationships.
- Changing Diapers: Sharing diaper changes is one way caregivers can support the family and spend one-on-one time with the baby. It can also give the breastfeeding parent a moment for rest or another activity.
- Tummy Time: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends working toward at least 30 minutes of tummy time spread throughout a baby’s waking hours daily. Loved ones can make this a time to bond by getting down on the floor and singing, playing, or even reading to the baby to encourage engagement and muscle development.
When Bottle Feeding May Fit into the Feeding Plan
Bottle feeding may be part of an infant’s feeding journey for many reasons. A mother may choose to offer expressed milk, formula, or both for different reasons, such as medical needs, separation, or personal preferences. When applicable, bottle feeding can allow loved ones to bond with the baby through feeding while also supporting the mother.
- Become Familiar with Infant Hunger and Fullness Cues: Becoming familiar with infant hunger and fullness cues can help caregivers notice when a baby may be ready to feed or has had enough. These cues can guide whoever is caring for the baby, whether feeding is at the breast or by bottle.
- Wash Pump and Bottle Parts: Pump parts, collection containers, and bottle pieces can grow bacteria and must be handled properly. Help support the mother by learning how to properly clean bottle and pump parts.
- Prepare Formula Bottles: Infant formula comes in different forms. Caregivers can review how to safely prepare baby formula to follow safe preparation guidance and support the baby’s feeding routine.
- Label and Store Expressed Milk: It is essential to follow evidence-based guidelines for safe handling and storage of expressed breast milk for the safety of the baby. The caregiver can become familiar with these to help a breastfeeding mother label her expressed milk bags and store them properly.
- Care for the Baby During Pumping Sessions: Help care for the baby by playing, reading, cuddling, or in other ways, so the mother does not have to juggle pumping and caring for her infant simultaneously.
Communicating Feeding Goals and Boundaries
Some parents may need to communicate their feeding goals clearly when others have strong opinions. Discussing how to respond to unexpected situations can help families feel more prepared for these conversations. Loved ones can support the breastfeeding parent by listening, respecting their goals, avoiding unsolicited advice, and offering specific help instead of waiting to be asked.
Parents can say:
- “We are hoping to continue breastfeeding, and what would help most is…”
- “I would rather you help with (specific task) than offer a bottle right now.”
- “We are confident and comfortable with our feeding plan.”
- “I would love your help with the baby while I pump.”
- “We are using both breast milk and formula, and this is what works for our family.”
Loved ones should ask directly, rather than being expected to be told:
- “How can I support your feeding goals?”
- “What would be most helpful right now?”
Finding Support When Help is Limited
Not everyone has a built-in support system of friends, family, or loved ones nearby. Community and online resources can offer practical help and connection during the postpartum period.
- Healthcare Providers: A child’s pediatrician and the parent’s healthcare team may be able to connect families with local resources, such as breastfeeding support groups or referrals for postpartum health concerns.
- Online Support: Clemson Extension’s Ask a CLC program offers breastfeeding guidance, answers questions, and helps troubleshoot challenges related to breastfeeding and the postpartum period.
- Government Agency Support: Each state offers assistance that could be of help to families with young children at little or no cost. Nutrition assistance, home visiting programs, childcare assistance, and other support programs may be available to help meet your family’s needs.
- Community Support: Local organizations, including churches and community centers, may offer meal assistance, transportation, infant supplies, or other practical support. Contacting 211 can also help connect families with health and human services in the area.
In Conclusion: Love and Care are Not Measured in Ounces
Feeding is one of many ways to bond with a baby. Partners, loved ones, and other caregivers can also connect through everyday care and support the breastfeeding parent in practical and emotional ways. Sharing or coordinating household tasks, offering encouragement, and checking in about what would be helpful can support the whole family. Feeding plans may change over time, so flexibility, open communication, and a nonjudgmental approach can help everyone feel included and supported. A support network can include both people already in a family’s life and community members or resources found along the way.
References:
- Cleveland Clinic. (2025). How to do “tummy time” at every age. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/when-to-start-tummy-time
- Pennsylvania State University. (n.d.). Be a caregiver who supports the breastfeeding mother. Better Kid Care. https://extension.psu.edu/programs/betterkidcare/early-care/tip-pages/all/be-a-caregiver-who-supports-the-breastfeeding-mother
- Schnell, A. (2020). The role of the partner in breastfeeding: How the support of dads, co-moms and other people makes a difference. La Leche League International. https://llli.org/news/the-role-of-the-partner-in-breastfeeding-how-the-support-of-dads-co-moms-and-other-people-makes-a-difference/
- United Way Association of South Carolina. (n.d.). South Carolina 211. https://www.uwasc.org/sc211
- U.S. Department of Agriculture. (n.d.). Ways your friends and family can help you. WIC Breastfeeding Support. https://wicbreastfeeding.fns.usda.gov/ways-your-friends-and-family-can-help
Author:
- Hannah Shifflette, Rural Health and Nutrition Agent, Chester and York Counties
Reviewed By:
- Michelle Altman, Extension Associate, Rural Health and Nutrition
- Melissa Bales, Extension Associate, Rural Health and Nutrition
- Ellie Lane, Extension Associate, Rural Health and Nutrition
