Tag: Ombuds

At Clemson University, we’re all about innovation, teamwork, and making a real impact. Whether you’re in a big meeting or just grabbing a coffee, you’re constantly trying to get your point across and inspire others. But let’s be honest, a dry presentation of facts and figures doesn’t always cut it. So, what’s the secret sauce for making your ideas stick? Storytelling!

It might sound old-school, but telling a good story is a superpower in today’s world. It’s not just for campfires and bedtime; it’s a critical skill for any staff member looking to lead, influence, and connect with colleagues (Simmons, 2001).

Your Brain on Stories : It’s All in the Connection

Ever notice how you can zone out during a lecture but hang on every word of a great movie? That’s not just you—it’s your brain! As author Lisa Cron (2012) explains, our minds are naturally wired to crave narratives. When someone tells a story, their brain and your brain actually sync up in a process called neural coupling (Hasson et al., 2010). It’s like a mental high-five that makes you feel connected and helps you understand and remember the message.

Stories tap into the parts of our brain that handle emotions and memory. That’s why a story about a challenge a team overcame is way more memorable than a list of project milestones. It’s not just about what happened, but how it felt. That emotional connection is what truly makes a message stick.

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Why Stories Make You a Better Leader (and Teammate)

Think about the best leaders you know. They don’t just give orders; they inspire. They build a culture where everyone feels like they’re part of a bigger mission. As Paul Smith (2005) notes in his work on business narratives, leaders use stories to articulate their vision and build rapport.

A good story can help you:

• Build Trust: Sharing a personal, authentic story—even one about a failure—shows vulnerability and builds rapport. When your colleagues see you as a human, not just a job title, they’re more likely to trust you.
• Clarify Your Vision: It’s tough to get people excited about a new process or project. But frame it as a story where your team is the hero on a quest, and you’re the guide helping them achieve something great (Miller, 2017). Suddenly, it’s not a chore—it’s an adventure.
• Drive Change: Want to get everyone on board with a new idea? Don’t just present the plan. Tell a story about why the change is necessary, what the future will look like, and how they’ll all be part of the solution.

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Your Guide to Becoming a Storytelling Pro

Ready to level up your influence? Here’s a simple, step-by-step guide to crafting a powerful story that will grab attention and get results (Dicks, 2018; Biesenbach, 2009):

Step 1: Know Your “Why”

Before you start, ask yourself: What’s the point of this story? What do I want people to do or feel after they hear it? Whether you want to get a project approved or motivate your team, your goal is your compass.

Step 2: Find Your Core Message

Boil your idea down to a single, memorable message. Is it about the power of collaboration? The importance of innovation? This is the theme of your story.

Step 3: Build the Adventure

Every great story has a beginning, a middle with a challenge, and an end where the hero overcomes it. Don’t be afraid to include a little conflict! The struggle is what makes the resolution so rewarding.

Step 4: Make Characters Relatable

Whether you’re the main character or a colleague is, make them relatable. Audiences need to connect with the characters to care about what happens.

Step 5: Sprinkle in Emotion

Use vivid details to make your story come alive. Instead of saying, “The project was difficult,” describe the late nights, the frustrating roadblocks, and the moment of breakthrough. Make people feel what you felt.

Step 6: Stick the Landing

End your story with a powerful resolution that ties back to your goal. Make it clear what the takeaway is and what you want them to do next.

Step 7: Practice!

Practice makes perfect. Rehearse your story out loud and pay attention to your tone, body language, and pacing. The more you tell it, the more natural it will feel.

So, the next time you have an idea to share, think like a storyteller. You’ll be amazed at how a simple narrative can transform your message and help you inspire real change at Clemson.

Are you and your colleagues on the same page?  Are you thinking about your work in the same way?  Do you see your objectives and your challenges similarly?  Being on the same page is what researchers call shared cognitions, which impact the way your team interacts, communicates, and accomplishes tasks.

People are different and come from different perspectives.  This is what makes working in groups so enriching and at times—so difficult!  But the idea of shared cognitions is more basic than the personality and style differences that might exist on your team.  While different team members might approach a problem differently, shared cognitions are about how we are defining the problem and what we ultimately think our team is responsible for. 

In the book Teams that Work, Tannenbaum & Salas (2021) identify 8 shared cognitions that are important for team effectiveness.  They are listed in the table below.

Questions To Ask	Type of Shared Cognitions
Where to?	Vision, purpose, goals
What’s important?	Priorities
Who should?	Roles and responsibilities
How to?	Tasks, norms, interdependencies, expectations
Why to?	Rationale and connection to larger organization
Who knows?	Expertise on the team
What if?	Contingencies and succession planning
What’s up?	Situational awareness, team cues

Does your team know the answers to these questions?  Would you all answer these the same way?

I once worked with a team that was experiencing some conflict.  As we set out on a dialogue session, I realized that some of the team thought their biggest problem was how the team interacted internally, and some of the team thought their external partners were causing their problems.   This difference in problem definition caused reactions, plans, and perspectives that that team members could not understand.  Instead of just working on why each person behaved a certain way, we needed to go back to how everyone was thinking and get on the same page about that.  What problems were happening internally, and how did the team plan to address those?  What problems were happening externally, and how did the team plan to address those?  Shared cognitions are the foundation upon which interdependence, collaboration, and team success rest. 

Here are some strategies for assessing and converging the cognitions that exist on your team:

• Communicate!  Share perspectives.  Allow others’ perspectives to emerge. 
• Establish a team charter or shared expectations document for how you will work together.  (The Ombuds Office can help with this!)
• Allow time for brainstorming, and refrain from evaluating the ideas that emerge. 
• Have everyone write down what the goals or objectives are for the team, and then compare what everyone has written.  This can highlight similarities and differences in how the team sees the work.   
• Create a visual map of the team.  Who has expertise in what area, and who can back that person up?
• Cross-train each other, both to ensure backup and to enhance understanding of what each teammate does.
• Debrief after projects or events that required coordination and teamwork.  What went well?  What could be improved?

Is your team on the same page?  How can you get there?

Box #1: 

What is the Ombuds Office?

The Ombuds Office is a confidential, independent, neutral, and informal space for staff to process concerns, get information, and develop options for how to move forward in a difficult situation.  I can provide education, conflict coaching, mediation, and facilitation as well as referrals to other resources across Clemson.  If you are unsure how to move forward in any way, I can help you work through it.

Tessa Byer

Phone:  864-656-5353

Email: tbyer@clemson.edu

Address: 135 Old Greenville Hwy, Ste. 203 (Next to Esso!)

*Save the date for upcoming training offered by the Ombuds:*

Introduction to Mediation

September 19, 2025, from 9 a.m. – noon

Virtually only; sign up here: 

Don’t Tough It Out:  Difficult Situations at Work

October 1, 2025, from 9 a.m. – noon

Location: University Facilities Center; sign up here

Cultivating Resilience

November 3, 2025, from 9-11 a.m.

Location: University Facilities Center; sign up here:

Emotional Intelligence at Work

November 14, 2025, from 9 – 11 a.m.

Virtual; sign up here

Good afternoon! In this month’s newsletter, Staff Senate extends a huge thank you to the participants and sponsors who helped Staff Senate Golf Tournament a great success. The Office of Human Resources is offering a session to learn about the South Carolina Deferred Compensation Program. This month’s newsletter also highlights the various resources offered by Campus Recreation enhance overall well-being, Green Zone Training and more.

President’s Report: June 2025

Staff Senate extends thanks for Golf Tournament success

Learn more about the South Carolina Deferred Compensation Program with monthly education sessions

Ombuds Report June 2025: Self-Undermining Behavior

MBA Virtual Information Session scheduled for July 9

Help boost your overall well-being with Campus Recreation

Join The Office of Military and Veteran Engagement for Green Zone Training

In February, I wrote about the Job-Demands-Resources (JDR) model of work stress. As a reminder, the JDR model says that our collective job demands create stress and strain, which can eventually lead to physical and mental health problems and negative outcomes for our organization. At the same time, our collective job resources inspire motivation, which can lead to positive organizational outcomes, such as productivity, profitability, and employee engagement (see model below).

Job demands could include a difficult co-worker, long work hours, or a tense relationship with your supervisor, while job resources could include a wellness program, adequate annual leave or a trusted relationship with your supervisor. 

For some of these demands and resources, we have no control or way to change them.  None of us can control Clemson’s state mandated annual leave policy no matter how much we might want to.  I mentioned in February that job crafting is something in your control you can do to enhance your job resources. 

On the other hand, there is something in your control you can do to make your job demands even more challenging:  self-undermining.  Self-undermining at work includes not showing up, coming to work late, and having a bad attitude.  Let’s say you have a difficult relationship with your supervisor.  Then you show up late and fail to turn in some assignments on time.  As difficult as it is to have a supervisor who you feel doesn’t like or support you, it’s not going to get any better when you begin to slack off.  Now in addition to the tough relationship, you are creating performance issues for yourself—an added job demand that makes your stress at work increase. 

One of the reasons we begin these cycles of self-undermining behavior is because we feel stuck when our job demands increase.  Instead of figuring out some solutions for the challenging relationship with your supervisor, you might find it simpler to become complacent.  But simple now does not mean easier on you overall.  Your self-undermining behavior will ultimately come back on you—not on the other person. 

When I work with employees who feel that they are the recipient of an unfair evaluation or disciplinary action, I always separate their next steps into two categories.  The first category is the performance one.  If a supervisor is giving direct feedback on what you need to start or stop doing, it’s in your best interest to start or stop doing those things.  If you ignore the specific feedback, your supervisor might decide to take further disciplinary action.  A verbal reprimand that feels unfair can quickly become a suspension that impacts your pay and your reputation in the office. 

The second category is the justice one.  If you feel that an action is unjust or unfair, there are steps to take.  For some situations, there are official appeals processes; for others, writing a rebuttal or making your voice heard in a meeting might be your only recourse.  The key is that these two categories need to happen at the same time.  If you ignore the performance concerns while you fight for justice, you are undermining yourself by creating a bigger mess to clean up.  You can fight for justice while also ensuring that you are responding to a supervisor’s performance concerns. 

In order to break the cycle of self-undermining, we need to identify what our job demands are, and brainstorm some ways to address, mitigate, or remove them.  If you are struggling with a relationship at work, maybe you need some mediation or some help sharing your concerns with the other person.  If you are struggling with motivation or getting your job done on time, maybe you need some help with time management and finding purpose in your work.  If you are unable to advocate for a pay increase, maybe your supervisor will approve a more flexible weekly schedule.  When our job demands rise, we can always combat the process by job crafting and working to increase our job resources in equal measure. 

Things are hard right now at home, in the classroom, at work, and around the world.  Don’t make things even harder on yourself by undermining your own success and stability.

Bakker, A.B. and Demerouti, E. (2007), “The Job Demands‐Resources model: state of the art”, Journal of Managerial Psychology, Vol. 22 No. 3, pp. 309-328. https://doi.org/10.1108/02683940710733115

Box #1: 

What is the Ombuds Office?

The Ombuds Office is a confidential, independent, neutral, and informal space for staff to process concerns, get information, and develop options for how to move forward in a difficult situation.  I can provide education, conflict coaching, mediation, and facilitation as well as referrals to other resources across Clemson.  If you are unsure how to move forward in any way, I can help you work through it.

Tessa Byer

Phone:  864-656-5353

Email: tbyer@clemson.edu

Address: 135 Old Greenville Hwy, Ste. 203 (Next to Esso!)

*Save the date for upcoming training offered by the Ombuds:*

Introduction to Mediation

September 19, 2025, from 9 a.m. – noon

Virtually only; sign up here: 

Don’t Tough It Out:  Difficult Situations at Work

October 1, 2025, from 9 a.m. – noon

Location: University Facilities Center; sign up here

Cultivating Resilience

November 3, 2025, from 9-11 a.m.

Location: University Facilities Center; sign up here:

Emotional Intelligence at Work

November 14, 2025, from 9 – 11 a.m.

Virtual; sign up here

The 2024-2025 academic year is almost over, and we have a new cohort of staff senators, ready to drive lasting change for their constituents. As we prepare for the challenges ahead, we might ask ourselves, “How do we do that?” or “How can I advocate for myself and others?” During the April Staff Senator Training, we’ll delve deeper into these questions. But for now, let’s focus on preparing to advocate, channeling that Tiger Spirit. Let’s face it: advocacy isn’t just about roaring louder. It’s a high-stakes game of emotional chess, a delicate dance of persuasion, and a test of your inner fortitude. Think of it as constructing your own personal “Inner Fortress,” a mental and emotional stronghold that allows you to navigate the tricky terrain of advocating for yourself or others.

Forget the image of a medieval castle with moats and drawbridges. We’re talking about a fortress built on solid foundations: self-awareness, emotional regulation, cognitive resilience, and strategic communication. It’s less about brute force and more about nuanced finesse, a blend of vulnerability and strategic savvy.

Know Thyself (Really Know Thyself). 

This isn’t your casual “I like long walks on the shores of Lake Hartwell” self-awareness. We’re talking digging deep into your values, triggers, and biases, with the same intensity as a student preparing for finals in Cooper Library. Authentic advocacy demands this level of introspection. Consider detailed journaling, producing a narrative analysis, and honestly confronting those moments that make you cringe.

Ever notice you get defensive when your actions are questioned? Journal it! Reflect on it! Recognizing our flaws isn’t weakness; it’s the key to authentic connection. Question your assumptions. Are you listening to understand, or just waiting to pounce? Tools like 360-degree feedback, which gathers input from peers, supervisors, and subordinates, and models like the Johari Window, which maps self-awareness and awareness by others, can provide crucial external perspectives. These tools help illuminate blind spots and create a more complete picture of your impact.

Master Your Emotional Weather.

Advocacy is an emotional rollercoaster. You’ll encounter resistance, frustration, and maybe even a few tears. Emotional regulation is your seatbelt. Empathy and vulnerability are your airbags, cushioning those emotional bumps. Practice active listening. Learn to recognize those emotional triggers and develop strategies to manage them. Maintaining dignity, both for ourselves and others, is a moral imperative. Consider it maintaining a calm, clear head even when the room is spinning.

Build Cognitive Resilience: Your Mental Bungee Cord.

Challenges are inevitable. How you bounce back defines your success. Reframe requests as collaborative opportunities, shifting from “me vs them” to “us vs. the problem.”

Setbacks aren’t failures; they’re learning curves. Conflict can be a catalyst for innovation. See it as turning lemons into lemonade, but with more strategic planning and less sugar.

Communicate Like a Pro (Not a Politician).

This is where your inner fortress translates into outward impact. Speak with clarity, conviction, and honesty. Courageous communication, even when difficult, builds trust. Understand the other person’s perspective. Focus on speaking their language, not just your own.

Influence with Integrity.

Advocacy isn’t about manipulation; it’s about building genuine relationships and fostering collaboration. Align your requests with the values of your audience. Articulate your worth and challenge limiting assumptions. Build trust and psychological safety. Focus on interests rather than positions to find common ground. Conceive of it as finding collaborative solutions, not just winning the argument.

Develop Strategic Harmony

Picture advocacy as crafting elegant bridges, not dramatic bonfires. Advocacy is about influencing from within, not upending from without. Think well-researched proposals over amplified demands. It’s the art of strategic harmony, where lasting change flows from understanding and engaging with existing structures.

What is your toolkit? Solutions, not just critiques. An advocate cultivates alliances, even across differing viewpoints, armed with solid evidence and unwavering professionalism. Aim to navigate policies with finesse, presenting your case with clarity and conviction. The aim is tangible impact, achieved through nuanced dialogue, not disruptive noise.

The Ongoing Journey.

Building your inner fortress is an ongoing process. It requires constant self-reflection, learning, and adaptation. It’s about embracing vulnerability, fostering empathy, and cultivating a growth mindset.

Remember, advocacy isn’t just a skill; it’s a crucial component of ethical leadership and social change. So, build your fortress strong, and go out there and make a difference.

Sources

Brown, Brené. Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House, 2018.

Cabral, Amber. Say More About That: …and Other Ways to Speak Up, Push Back, and Advocate for Yourself and Others. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2023.

Cialdini, Robert B. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. William Morrow, 1984.

Davey, Liane. The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team and Organization Back on Track. Bibliomotion, Inc., 2017.

Dweck, Carol S. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House, 2006.

Fisher, Roger, William Ury, and Bruce Patton. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. Penguin Books, 1991.

Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books, 1995.

Gross, James J. “The Emerging Field of Emotion Regulation: An Integrative Review.” Review of General Psychology, vol. 2, no. 3, 1998, pp. 271–99.

Hansen, Heather. Advocate to Win: 10 Tools to Ask for What You Want and Get It. McGraw-Hill Education, 2013.

Hicks, Donna. Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict. Yale University Press, 2011.

Petty, Richard E., and John T. Cacioppo. Communication and Persuasion: Central and Peripheral Routes to Attitude Change. Springer-Verlag, 1986.

Pink, Daniel H. To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others. Riverhead Books, 2012.

Schein, Edgar H., and Peter A. Schein. Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2013.

Tannen, Deborah. You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. William Morrow, 1990.

“Take it slow, and things will be just fine, you and I’ll just use a little patience”. -GnR

It’s astonishing how quickly the academic year flies by! Spring break is nearly upon us, and the 2024-2025 school year is rapidly approaching its conclusion. I began my tenure in the Ombuds Office at the start of this year and recently completed my probationary period and review. During this time, I’ve been eager to develop my skills as an Ombuds, dedicated to supporting everyone at the University. Like many, I entered this role with ambitious goals. I aspired to provide the same level of service and support as more experienced Ombuds. However, I soon realized that training and experience, both crucial components, cannot be acquired overnight. Initially, I experienced frustration when I had to defer to the expertise of others. I spent countless hours contemplating how to expedite my training to provide the full range of services our office offers. I even lost sleep reflecting on the counseling, mediation, and group discussion sessions I attended, searching for a ‘quick fix’ to gain substantial experience. The truth, as I’ve learned, is that there is no shortcut.

In our constant pursuit of self-improvement and goal achievement, it’s vital to remember the wisdom of St. Francis de Sales, who, in his book, An Introduction to the Devout Life, advises, “Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.” Cultivating patience is a gradual journey, requiring the development of specific skills and mindsets. How, then, can we slow down in our fast-paced world, allowing ourselves time to savor life, reflect, and grow?

Here are several strategies to aid you on your path:

1. Cultivate Mindfulness:
   • As I discussed with the Staff Senate in December, learning to “press pause” is essential. Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. This practice diminishes the tendency to dwell on the past or worry about the future, both of which fuel impatience. Becoming aware of the physical and emotional sensations that arise when impatience surfaces, and observing these feelings without reacting, can lessen their power (eMindful).
2. Shift Your Perspective:
   • View delays and obstacles as opportunities for reflection and learning. When faced with a frustrating situation and feelings of impatience, consider the root cause of your discomfort (BetterUp). Acknowledge that certain situations are beyond your control. Focus your energy on what you can influence and release the rest.
3. Focus on Emotional Intelligence:
   • Stress and anxiety can amplify impatience. Techniques such as exercise, relaxation, and adequate sleep can help regulate these emotions (Calm.com). Practice self-compassion when impatience arises, recognizing it as a common human experience.
4. Build Tolerance for Discomfort:
   • Practice patience through small, everyday opportunities. Patience is a skill, developed over time. Begin by embracing minor annoyances, such as traffic delays or waiting in line at the grocery store. Practice resisting the urge for immediate gratification to strengthen your ability to wait and persevere (Goodwall).
5. Enhance Interpersonal Skills:
   • Practice active listening, truly hearing others without interrupting or formulating your response. As we emphasize in our Conflict Management training, strive to understand perspectives from a shared foundation rather than imposing your own. Allow others ample time to express themselves without judgment or assumptions, focusing on their intended message. Pay attention to your body language and learn to manage your emotional responses.

By consistently implementing these strategies, we can gradually cultivate greater patience and enhance our overall well-being. Taking the time to appreciate life, live in the present, and extend grace to ourselves allows us the space and energy to achieve our goals. Let’s all embrace a little patience as we enjoy spring break and finish the school year with vigor!

Citations:

• BetterUp. (n.d.). How to be more patient: 8 tips to try. Retrieved from https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-be-more-patient
• Calm.com. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.calm.com/
• eMindful. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://emindful.com/
• Goodwall. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.goodwall.io/
• St. Francis de Sales. (n.d.). An introduction to the devout life.

What is the Ombuds Office?

The Ombuds Office is a confidential, independent, neutral, and informal space for staff to process concerns, get information, and develop options for how to move forward in a difficult situation. I can provide education, conflict coaching, mediation, and facilitation as well as referrals to other resources across Clemson. If you are unsure how to move forward in any way, I can help you work through it.

Michael Scott

Phone:  864-656-6353

Email:  mesctt@clemson.edu

Address:  135 Old Greenville Hwy, Ste. 203 (Next to Esso!)

*Save the date for upcoming training offered by the Ombuds:*

Cultivating Resilience

March 27, 2025 from 9:00 to 11:00

Virtually only, sign up here: 

https://clemson.bridgeapp.com/learner/training/5e898aea/sessions/5440/enroll

Introduction to Mediation

April 16, 2025 from 9:00 to 12:00

In person at University Facilities Center, sign up here:

https://clemson.bridgeapp.com/learner/training/648ef8d6/enroll

Giving Effective Feedback

June 20, 2025 from 9:00 to 10:30

Virtually only, sign up here: 

https://clemson.bridgeapp.com/learner/training/3bc50439/sessions/5493/enroll

At times, things are difficult at work, and there’s nothing we can do about it.  We might have a colleague we have asked to include us in meetings, and still they ignore and exclude us.  We might have a supervisor we have brought concerns to, and they don’t do anything in response.  Maybe we just have a job that is boring or isn’t exactly what we want to be doing, but this is the job we have.  There is so much at work that is stressful that is out of our control.  But what about what is in our control?

I mentioned in a recent Staff Senate meeting that I am taking a class in the Industrial and Organizational Psychology program, and this semester, I am in Survey to Occupational Health with Dr. Robert Sinclair.  Learning about the different theories and strategies for occupational health has been incredibly relevant and helpful in the work that I do.  In class, we have been talking a lot lately about the different models of work stress.  One of these models, created by A. B. Bakker and E. Demerouti (2007), is called the Job-Demands-Resources model, or JDR.  JDR says that our collective job demands create stress and strain, which can eventually lead to physical and mental health problems and negative outcomes for the organization.  For example, if we have to lift heavy things daily, we might experience muscle strain that could eventually become an injury.  On the mental health side, if we feel demeaned and bullied by a supervisor, we might experience daily shame, fear, and anger, which can lead to increased depression and anxiety.  Either of these could lead to turnover, absenteeism, and a less well workforce. 

At the same time, the JDR model says that our collective job resources motivate us, which can lead to positive organizational outcomes, such as productivity, profitability, and employee engagement.  Job resources include autonomy, feedback, support, and even tangibles such as adequate annual leave.  When we have sufficient resources, we feel more motivated to do the work we need to do, and the organization benefits.  These two, interconnected processes are detailed below. 

Many of our job demands and job resources are just parts of the gig.  We can bring up our concerns, and we can (and should) advocate for ourselves.  However, even if change occurs, it will come slowly.  In the meantime, the idea of job crafting lets us take action now by enhancing our job resources on our own.  Job crafting essentially says if we cannot get what we need from our jobs, can we find that resource elsewhere?  If we are not getting the support we need from our supervisor, maybe we can find a mentoring relationship elsewhere and seek support outside of the formal hierarchy.  If we do not have the autonomy we want, maybe we can take on a separate project or join a staff development program like CU Grow that allows us to direct some of our own work.  Job crafting begins by taking stock of what we have and what we don’t have and then brainstorming ways to get what we need.  Here are some ideas:

• Apply for a development program like CU Grow, Extension Emerging Leadership Institute, or CCIT’s Leadership Development Program.
• Run for Staff Senate, or if you already have, run for a leadership position.
• Find external trainings that could enhance your skills and knowledge.
• Find colleagues and mentors who are willing to share feedback with you.
• Connect with colleagues on a personal level.  Maybe go to lunch or after-hours events.
• Look for gaps in what your department does, and present a plan for how you could take on responsibilities to fill that gap.
• Volunteer to do something you haven’t done before, such as present in front of the whole division or author a report.

At some point, you might decide that the job you have is ultimately not the job you want.  But changing jobs is also not simple or quick.  While you have the job you have, take some time to craft it into what you want it to be.  In addition to strengthening your skills and engagement, job crafting increases your job satisfaction and overall happiness.  Craft away!

Bakker, A.B. and Demerouti, E. (2007), “The Job Demands‐Resources model: state of the art”, Journal of Managerial Psychology, Vol. 22 No. 3, pp. 309-328. https://doi.org/10.1108/02683940710733115

We’re all quick to remember our mistakes, losses, and miscommunications.  I want to remind us to stop and celebrate our wins.  I’m covering this topic for two reasons.  First, I recently did a training about resilience, and at the end I asked participants what they were taking away from the training.  Multiple people mentioned this concept of celebrating wins and how they needed the reminder to reflect not only on their shortcomings but also on their daily wins.  Second, I rewatched the Disney movie Soul with my son.  Soul came out during the pandemic, and when I first saw it, I was less impressed by it than I was by its creative and plot-heavy cousin Onward, also released during the pandemic.  This second time, though, I think I better understood its point:  While life can be full of huge ups and downs, dreams dashed and dreams realized, in between life is full of small, beautiful moments that we might miss if we are not careful. 

To me, these are related.  I would hope that anyone celebrates big accomplishments like a promotion, a raise, a graduation, and acceptance into a new program.  But what about these?  You finish a difficult conversation with your supervisor, and you share with them everything you intended to.  Or you set boundaries with a friend and then stick to those boundaries, even when they push back.  Or you hear the same passive-aggressive comment from a colleague, and this time you keep your cool.  These are all wins that might get unnoticed, especially if you are instead focusing on what you forgot to say in those conversations or what you wish you hadn’t said.  Celebrating wins does not mean you deny your mistakes.  It means that while you acknowledge the times you messed up, you acknowledge the times when you got it right. 

I will admit, celebrating everyday wins does not come naturally to me.  I was really struggling with a colleague recently; every interaction we had filled me with self-doubt and stayed in my mind as I tried to fall asleep at night.  Then we had an unpleasant interaction, and for that day, I was able to let it go.  When I told my husband about the interaction and how I didn’t really care, he congratulated me and (sort of) forced me to stop and reflect on what a big deal that was.  I can’t control what this colleague thinks of me or how they respond to me, but I can control how much I let it consume my time and energy. 

Here are a few ideas for celebrating everyday wins:

• Journal at the end of each day or each week to document the wins
• Make a plan with a friend or colleague to check in on each other’s wins
• Create a celebration jar where you document wins as they happen
• Commemorate wins on a calendar, so you can go back and look at your progress
• Treat yourself regularly

We are quick to hold on to our loses.  Let’s start to hold on to the wins. 

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are ready for the much-deserved rest and relaxation of the Holiday Season.  As we move toward the break and the time for reconnecting with the people we care about, (whether in person, over the phone, or video call) we may encounter some relationships that need mending.  In the past few years did you have an argument with a co-worker, a disagreement with a family member, or have you lost a friend for any number of reasons?  Perhaps you feel it is time to reconcile these relationships, but you are not sure how.  I hope to share a few thoughts with you that might just help.

Just as with any difficult conversation, preparation is the key!  You should prepare yourself and allow the other participant time to prepare themselves for the conversation.  Preparation will allow you both the space to discover not only what you value in your relationship but examine what exactly about the conflict caused the harm to your relationship.  Making that call, or sending that text might be hard, but the first step to reconciling a conflict is both parties agreeing that the conversation is worth the time and effort. 

Once you have the initial conversation, find a neutral place to talk where you will both feel comfortable expressing your feelings in a safe environment (Judgement-Free Zone!).  Allow the time to talk and to feel without distractions.  The annual Holiday Party is probably not a great choice! 

Now you are ready to meet! When you finally have the opportunity to talk, set the ground rules.  “We will each have time to speak, without argument or interruption; we will listen to what one another has to say; we will allow one another the freedom to be vulnerable, we will go into this with an open mind only to listen to one another, no expectations!”

When you finally meet, remind one another of your rules then just listen and share.  Acknowledge that what you have both been through has been tough enough to create this conflict.  Honor and respect the fact that opening up to be honest and vulnerable is also hard, acknowledge this fact for one another.  If you feel so inclined to provide an apology for your part of the conflict, do so but do not expect one in return…this should come naturally, if at all.  Sometimes simply honoring one another’s dignity is as beneficial as an apology. 

Finally, establish a time to speak again.  You should be able to see that this relationship is valuable to both of you so don’t neglect it!  Share some fruitcake and eggnog this holiday season.  Find time to rest and reconcile and come back to Clemson ready for 2025!

Most of you know I’ve been away for the past few months. My family has had the honor of adopting a precious baby boy, Urijah Timothy.  After bringing him home from California, he and I have had some precious one-on-one time as we have welcomed him into our family unit and transitioned to a life with three children.

By the time this newsletter is released, I will be back at work.  If anyone has ever been on extended leave, especially parental leave, you know how difficult the prospect of returning to work can be. I’m definitely feeling that.

But I’m also able to step back and see how this change in my family has given me some needed perspective in the face of difficult situations I see in my work.  For example, one of the problems I was facing before I left on leave was the fact that a colleague no longer wants me to attend meetings that I have always attended.  That is disappointing.  However, now that I have even more to do at home, I can reframe the situation from a personal snub to a relief that I am excused from yet another meeting.  While this colleague may not like me or want my help, I have three little ones at home who do like me and who need me—sometimes a little too much.  I can let this one go.

Another area I have been able to get perspective on is upward feedback.  The Ombuds Office provides this upward feedback to leaders across the institution with the goal of moving the needle on making Clemson a better, fairer place.  Upward feedback can be difficult when the leader I am addressing does not want to hear what I have to say.  At the same time, even when I think a conversation was a failure, I can’t always know how what I say is absorbed.  We’ve talked to my older kids, Zeke and Havi, about Urijah’s adoption, and they were able to be with us in California when we went to bring Urijah home.  I recently heard Havi, who is three, explain adoption to her friend, and while it never seems like she is listening to me, it was remarkable how much she absorbed. At work, I recently had the experience where an in-person feedback conversation went poorly, but I found out later that my recommendations were followed.  If we are moving toward a better Clemson for faculty, staff, and students, I can live with the fact that I won’t get the credit for providing that feedback.  Instead, I will focus on helping the person in front of me however I can and trust that that is enough.

Another important lesson of these past few months refers to the “and” stance, which I have written about a lot in this newsletter.  The and stance says that we don’t have to choose between things; multiple things can be true at the same time and multiple perspectives can be valid at the same time.  This has never been more apparent to me than in navigating the relationship between Urijah’s birth family and our family.  Urijah’s mom is his mom AND I am his mom. Urijah’s birth family loves him AND his new family loves him.  We don’t have to choose which one of us is his “real’ mom or which family truly loves him. Urijah is surrounded by love and care. The and stance can be so helpful amid complex situations because we usually go into them trying to figure out who wins or who gets to claim something that the other must then relinquish. It just doesn’t have to be like that.  And as these past few months have made abundantly clear to me, there is so much else to focus on!  I’m happy to be back and excited to learn what I missed.  Don’t hesitate to schedule coffee or lunch with me or to reach out if I can be helpful in your situation.